so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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