I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
