in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
