Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
