you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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