Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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