I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
