so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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