? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize