the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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