Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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