its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
