I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
