If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
