Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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