Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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