soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
