my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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