i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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