I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
