Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
