No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
