i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
