sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
