So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
