The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
