I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
