what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
