last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
