Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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