I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
