I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
