6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
