She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
