I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
