I understand Curling. That high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
