paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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