Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
