I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
