Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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