I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Someone shit on the floor
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
