My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
