is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
