i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
