i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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