I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
