Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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