And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
