I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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