I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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