it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
