I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
