Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
