I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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