the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What a dumb baby whore.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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