you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
