One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
