His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
