I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
