Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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