worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
