not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize