some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
