I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
