I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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