why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
