I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
