He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
