so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
